Saturday, September 10, 2011

Safe Place

In the first several months of marriage, I (and my husband) found that I got hurt very easily by things he did or said and was easily upset. At the time I was going through a difficult time emotionally, but couldn't figure out why I was so incredibly sensitive to him. At some point, it came to me. He had become my safe place.
As we grow up, our parents and other various family members may mean well, but they will cause us hurts and heartache. At some point our trust in them will be broken, they will fail us, or relationships will be strained. The saying is true that there is no place like home, however, when there have been hurts, frustrations, or tensions at home in any way we become guarded. So, what God intended to be our safe place, becomes only partially safe.
When I met my would-be husband, like most people do, I had my guard up. As we got to know each other more, dated, and then were engaged, I began to trust him more and open my heart to him. In my life I had closed my heart to most people and was afraid to let anyone in. So to let him in was a big deal, and as I opened up my heart to him, it began to soften from many years of being hard. I was able to allow my heart to open to him because there were no past issues, hurts, failures, etc., to make me be on guard. He was a safe place for me to trust my heart with. I fell in love, what we had was fresh and new, and what I had been waiting for, so my heart opened.
Because he had become my safe place, I was so much more sensitive to how he was towards me than I ever had been with anyone. Before I had the revelation of why, I just thought it was because I loved him so much. But now I know. Not only do I love him dearly, but he is my safe place. God is supposed to be our safe place, and I find my refuge in Him, but I know that He gives us people and places here on earth who can be an earthly safe place.
When we get married and our spouse becomes our safe place, it can be an easy target for destruction. Not only are we adjusting to a new way of life and a new relationship, but we get the mentality (whether we realize it or not) that this person is supposed to love and protect us and have our best interest always at heart. When my husband said or did something that I found to be hurtful, it easily could have been an open door for allowing walls to be built up between us. Through much prayer and trying to keep my heart right, I learned to deal with my hurts and address them with my husband, rather than letting them build up. If you let them build up, your spouse will cease to be your safe place. You will then not only resent them for the things they did that hurt you (big or small), but you will resent the fact that your safe place came crumbling down. Your heart will then begin to harden towards them. You may still love them, but over time, the love flow will turn into a tiny trickle.
So take your safe place and treasure and protect it. Don't let your flesh or the enemy destroy what God created and so many people long for. A safe place to go to, where there is love that flows freely, and you are free to be who you are. Learn to dwell in your safe place, and keep it a safe place.